The Institution of Marriage- and the Overheads

I just came back from a wedding. Its about 0630hrs and I have slept for 2 hrs in the last 24hrs those who know me close enough will understand that such depravity of sleep in my life comes under exceptional circumstances only- VERY SELDOM). Anyways, coming back to the marriage, the last 24 hours have hardly been the kind of climax I would have expected after the hullabo over the last week when I have been here in Delhi. And the whole event seemed to lack substance at so many levels that I had to write about it.

At the first level, we are assumed to be a part of a group with hardly any consideration for an individual's opinions or choices. One is expected to be in the house where the marriage is on most, to all, times. Why, I ask? No answer. Agreed that this is the forum where you meet relatives after a long time ( a lot of times considering the norm of nuclear families and busy schedules that people supposedly possess through the year). But what if one doesnt want to share the dias with one's relatives for whatever reasons? No choice boss, you either attend it if u really want to, or be there as a prop, or run the risk of being a social outcast. Well, I was on the verge of the last and I have NO regrets. Reason being my experience when I was in the house, there seemed to be hardly any talk without any cross reference to what someone had said or done, with references running on the thin line between sharing information and gossip and sarcasm and bitching. Yes, thats a line. And if you find that un interesting, depending on how you handle the situation, you are tagged as a Intellectual or a social outcast. In my case I think I have cared enough to distance myself and not cared enough to work on my PR, and hence you read the text of a social outcast. Not that I mind it. For me defining objectives is very important, it can even be something like relaxing by jogging or meditating or anything, but for your own sake please try to define what you are doing. What I realised later is that its a bad question to ask. The objective and the reason is because thats the way it has been done. Thats the definition of being social.

The second level starts with the question, 'What will happen if you are getting married and people behave like this?', I am asked. My answer is,'Why would I want something like this when I dont buy it at all?' We seem to have a short temper when we lack knowledge, knowledge of purpose, of the reason of any activity one undertakes. And its that kind of helplessness and short temper I encounter. We are asked to recite hyms that are supposed to do something good, ignoring the inconvinience that staying awake causes to so many people. We also seem to not pay attention to why we are there or what we'll gain out of it. The bride and the groom are so tired by the time the ceremonies end that thinking is the last thing on their mind, forget implementing with all heart and zeal the vows they undertake, which by the way seems to be one of the critical objectives of the whole exercise. Does anyone care?

Thirdly, and lastly-for this article, when all functions are over, the 'bidai' is done. People come back and just CRIB. Its still early days for this marriage but I am sure with time I'll also get to hear stories of who didnt get what, which dish was 'too spicy' or something was 'too bland', 'kuch maza nahin aaya'. GoSH!!! Its unbearable, both the families end up spending a bomb on the marriage pay the tent wallas, the caterers, the band wallas, the rishtedaars, their sagans, and plan it for months, and no one gives a hoot. Not that I would term any event being hailed as 'fundu ceremony' or anything likewise as qualifying as desired, reason being we again look at people to tell us that we have done a good job and that they enjoyed the food ,etcetra etcetra... The whole definition of being successful comes from outside oneself when it should come from within. And thus, all this jazz on the exterior, per me, hardly helps.

Anyways,guess even I have been bitching a long time about this now! May God Bless NS-or UN after marriage-the cousin whose marriage I came to attend.. One more reason I could come to Delhi!!!

P.S.: I wrote this when I came back from Delhi around the first week of June